Yesterday at the gym I fell over. Not in the sense, I tripped on something, or wasn't paying attention and ran into someone. My legs actually just gave out and I landed on my (fortunately ample) hindside.
This all stemmed from a recent decision to hit the gym and "get sexy" in time for summer. My trainer, Rodney, made me do a ridiculous number of squats, lunges, squalunges (not an actual exercise) etc., and my legs finally just gave up. Wo-man down!
Rodney: "Don't worry Laura, it happens to everyone". Sure Rodney, your quads the size of redwood trunks probably give out all the time. I see that. Nonetheless, I got up and continued the torture. I was sure of my greater purpose: hotness and lots of men/dates/suitors. Surely success would be mine.
Today was Sunday and the perfect opportunity to exhibit my hotness and find said men/dates/suitors at church. Time to look good! Enter really high heels. It was a risk to be sure, considering my inability to stay upright just yesterday. But I am known to "live on the edge" from time to time. Fortunately, there were no mishaps. Take that, Rodney! Take that, Redwoods! However, I soon realized that I was so stiff from "pumping iron" that I wasn't so much strutting as stiffly and ackwardly swinging each leg forward from the hip without bending at the knee with each step. This in attempt to avoid grimacing from the severe bodily pain which had set it. It's cool, nothing to see here, people.
AB: "What's wrong with you? Why are you are walking like a cowboy?" That's 'cause Mama's got swagger, AB. Swagger like a cowboy who's been way-to-long in the saddle. Which may work for Clint Eastwood, or even Matt Damon, but was decidedly not working for me while I attempted to "work it" with the dudes. Hey, at least I was tall.
L-Train!! I am going to love this blog...1) it reminds me of our days of just chewing the fat at good ol #1705 2) I won't feel so long gone from you and 3) I know I will laugh...laugh with you and you write your Laura experiences. I miss you, Lady! Thanks for letting me in on your blog :) And...I admire your perserverance with the squat torture even to the point of persevering in high heels! Love you!
ReplyDeleteThis is good, you have a gift, keep up the nice work!
ReplyDeleteYay!!! Laura, I'm so glad you started a blog, yo! I love this post, so funny. You definitely got swagger. Love ya.
ReplyDeleteAhhh, so fun to hear from you again. It makes me smile as I read this. Good for you for pushing to the point of falling over!!! You are tough.
ReplyDeletework, it baby! cover girl! (insert wolf whistle here)
ReplyDeleteyou are so blogular. go hanna go!
ReplyDeleteThanks, friends! You are all so sweet!
ReplyDeleteI heart you!
ReplyDeleteI'm excited for your blog! And, to make you feel better, I'd like to share with you the granddaddy of all Lindsey-is-retarded moments, also taking place at a gym: I closed my eyes for a second to pant while on a treadmill in the Provo 24-Hour... and opened them in time to feel myself at the very edge of the belt. I got shot backwards across the room onto my back! Undeterred, I hopped right back on the treadmill, having forgotten that it was still spinning around at a decent running pace of 6 mph. In quick succession, the spinning belt knocked my extended foot out from under me, caused me to crash to my knees on the treadmill belt (skinning both of them), and then shot me, again, off the back of the treadmill, roughing up my shins on the back cylinder as I passed by. I clambered up, still undeterred (the iPod blaring high-energy Beyonce helped block the pain). I reached around to turn the speed knob DOWN this time, and about 5 seconds later, I snuck a glance at the line of treadmills to see if anyone had noticed. At least FIVE runners had STOPPED their treadmills and were staring, mouths open, at me; the guy directly to my left mouthed, "ARE YOU OK??" incredulously, to which I just breathlessly replied, "Yea! Whew! I'm fine!" Then I turned around to face the tv monitors again.... and tried in vain to ignore the shooting pains of sweat seeping into the open wounds on my knees and shins.
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